What's wrong with an angry mother

When parents get angry

Hello everybody,
I myself am the mother of a 4 year old daughter and I know my anger when she dawdles in front of kindergarten and I'm pressed for time. I don't think my anger is great either, but it is understandable and after repeated admonitions, a 4-year-old has to feel where the limits are and that her behavior makes mom angry, but also doesn't get anywhere herself. I drove it best if I could tell her a clear consequence, e.g. TV ban. Then she usually gives in. But if I just get angry and yell at her or give her a pat, then most of the time she just cries and nothing happens. She bucks even more. After all, we always get the curve and make up again, apologize and tell each other why we were so angry or why she bucked, for example. Since it only happens now and then that you or I are angry, I think it's okay. People are angry at times and have to let that out and show the other person why they are angry at them. I am now much more likely to see why and when my daughter bucks. Most of the time it has a reason. If I go into this, there will be no argument in the first place. Conversely, however, it must also learn to tell me its reasons. I have always found the spatial separation to be a good solution. E.g. I then say: I'm going out now and in 5 minutes I want you to be fully dressed. That helps her to collect herself and me also to reduce my aggression a little. If she has a tantrum herself, I take her to her room every now and then and tell her to let off steam and come out when she's better. But I don't want to have to endure their behavior. Since then she has often been going up herself and withdrawing. You can also use a different room than the room. (Michel from Lönneberger always had to go to the shed). Of course, that's only possible now at the age of 3-4, when she has a certain understanding. When she was younger (1.5-2) she was stubborn and in retrospect I know that it was mostly due to fatigue, an incipient illness or e.g. growing pains. I used to always think that children just want to be stubborn and test their limits, but that is probably not always the case. You also have bad days and cannot express it that way. Then you have to be shown a way how you can deal with your anger, your pain, without annoying those around you.
For example, my daughter bucked almost every day for the first six months in kindergarten and I no longer knew what to do. The kindergarten teachers were very strict and always said they had to go through with this and we sometimes dragged them into the car, bare feet in the snow, etc. In the end I found out that my daughter needs more time in the morning (she is a Morning grouch) and the time pressure I had from the new job triggered stress in her, which she responded with stubbornness. In addition, she hardly had breakfast in kindergarten because there was only grain bread or muesli and lunch was only served at 1.30pm at home. So she was always tired and hungry after kindergarten and even getting dressed was too much. Just when I came, all the tension went away and you could let yourself go with mom. She usually took a nap or fell asleep in the car right after such an attack. Now that we have switched groups with more understanding teachers and they have lunch in kindergarten, the tantrums are gone. That is why I can only give you the advice, listen inside, you know best what is going on with your children. Let the situations go through your head, when did they occur. Then you usually have the reason and can react to it.