Did you meet your father's lover?

Information for loved ones and deceived

I had to find out through a text message that my husband has had a lover for a long time - not for the first time, by the way. Now he lives entirely with her. When I asked how things should go on, he replied that I should give him time and that he should go into therapy.

At the word separation he becomes abusive. Our daughter is a dad, that's the only reason I'm waiting. Can a person therapy himself because he rejects a therapy?

Behavior counts louder than words. Your husband's behavior makes it clear where he stands. He has moved in with his lover and only comes home to see his daughter. Your daughter has already noticed that the father no longer lives with you and only shows himself once a week. She experiences your sadness and conflict, even if you may not have spoken to her about it.

Maintaining a partnership that is no longer just because of your daughter cannot be a solution. At the moment, your partner would like to snack on two trees and only take care of one tree.

He excludes you from how and in which direction he wants to change. In principle, I think that he will find it difficult to change and find his way back to you.

To find out why you keep breaking off a well-functioning relationship and looking for a new partner, you also have to look at your life story. You also need the knowledge and strategies on how to change.

Even if your husband chose you again, that wouldn't be all of the work. Then, in order to avoid a repetition of the cheating, he would also have to change his thinking and behavioral patterns.

Because he categorically excludes therapy or couples therapy, he or you both take away the opportunity to work on the partnership.

Therefore, it is up to you to weigh whether you risk waiting at the cost of continuing to waver between hope, despair, fear, and anger.