How do I make a friend brave
Break up with girlfriend: 22 tips how to do it right!
You have become alienated in the partnership, it just doesn't fit between you anymore. Or you even had a violent argument. Whatever happened: You want to break up with your girlfriend now without hurting her.
In this article I will therefore tell you what the absolute no-go's are for a gentle, "nice" breakup.
You will also get tips on when to break up and the best etiquette rules on how to end the relationship properly.
Should I break up or not? 13 reasons (test)
Perhaps you are wondering whether love has one last chance in your partnership. Hence the legitimate question: When should you break up? What are the reasons for a breakup?
Let's do a little test:
In my opinion, the more signs apply, the more urgent you should leave your girlfriend:
- 1. You have run out of feelings for her no matter how hard you try.
- 2. You have grown apart completely and do not do anything together in everyday life, the relationship has become boring.
- 3. In your partnership there are no more common wishes, dreams and goals for the future (having children, building your own home, etc.).
- 4. The woman cheated on you by having sex with another man and you never believe that you can forgive her for cheating. Or it gives you other reasons to be jealous.
- 5. Your girlfriend also wants to break up and tells you that a (temporary) breakup would be better.
- 6. You are already flirting with strangers or have even fallen in love with another woman, and you want to build something up with her.
- 7. In everyday relationships there are only arguments (also in public), anger and distrust, instead of love and tenderness. In addition, the woman no longer shows any respect for you.
- 8. You have the feeling that your trust in one another has totally broken.
- 9. The sex between you doesn't or doesn't harmonize anymore, no matter what you try.
- 10. All attempts to master your crisis and to save the relationship have failed.
- 11. You broke up before and became a couple again after the break in the relationship, but then the old problems started all over again.
- 12. One of you only partnered with the other to get over your ex or to push other problems out of your way.
- 13. You are in a long distance / weekend relationship and you find that it just doesn't work.
You even nodded your head several times while reading and inwardly agreed to the points listed? Then you have really good reasons to break up!
I can't break up - out of fear. What to do?
If the signs just mentioned are true, you may know it yourself: it would be better to end the relationship.
Breaking up with your girlfriend could be so easy, but you're scared of breaking up? You want to, but you can't?
There can be many reasons why you can't do it:
- Fear of being alone when you are no longer together as a couple
- The fear of not finding another woman who is like your "still-girlfriend" (related to sex and her positive character traits when you met each other)
- The vague hope that you can still solve the relationship problems / do not want to admit that in reality it is already over
- The worry of simply throwing all the beautiful things overboard with the separation (including the mutual circle of friends), if there are still residues in your partnership
- Lack of determination to make a clear decision that may be irreversible
- Fear of hurting her and that she will not be able to cope with your breakup emotionally (especially if she is already mentally weak for other reasons)
- Uncertainty about HOW exactly you should formulate your wish for separation and the big “why” (ie the reasons) in order to hurt them as little as possible
- Just afraid of the moment to tell her (with excuses like: It was just not the "right time", the "right opportunity")
Why you should split up anyway
You already know the answer to the question of what you should do now: You have to end the relationship, even if you are afraid of breaking up and this step will not be a piece of cake.
Most of the fears mentioned are unfounded or you have to accept certain inconveniences of a separation - there is no way around painful situations.
See the positive in a breakup
Since I don't want to feed you off with general empty phrases, here are a few more concrete, as positive as possible thoughts that you should make your own:
- You don't have to be afraid of being alone, because you have a great man in you who can always meet a new woman who is at least as great as your "soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend" (I am happy to help you). Remember: Every separation offers the chance for a new beginning.
- In addition, as a happy single you can also enjoy freedoms that other unhappy men in the "prison" of a partnership can only dream of.
- And being single is always better than living this hell of arguments, anger, jealousy and distrust together every day.
- You haven't had a chance to tell her yet? The time is never really right ... so close your eyes and go! That means, get out with the truth and break up, instead of dragging it around with you forever like heavy bricks in your stomach.
- Maybe the woman is just as dissatisfied in the relationship and hopes that you will finally take the first step and break up with her, even if she does not say so directly.
- What if she still loves you? Then you won't be able to prevent hurting her at least a little when you break up - no matter how long you put it off or how nicely you wrap it up in puffy, friendly words.
- Nevertheless, you can teach her it gently, with the following tips from me!
How do I break up? The 15 biggest no-go's!
In order to hurt your girlfriend as little as possible emotionally during the breakup, you should of course break up properly. Therefore, avoid these mistakes if you want to end the relationship gently and fairly:
1. Wait until she breaks up
That sounds nasty now, but there is one thing: Some people don't have the courage to end a relationship in time. In fact, they're really afraid of breaking up, they're too cowardly.
This is why these people (often unconsciously!) Resort to a mean, indirect "sabotage tactic": They behave so intolerably that at some point the partner can no longer stand it together and takes the first step to separate himself.
If you notice signs of this in yourself, my tip: Be the brave man who ensures clear relationships and separates instead of tormenting you both for weeks through the partnership!
2. Break up via WhatsApp or SMS
Even if your relationship was short-lived, you are badly injured or it seems to be the easiest way to go: Breaking up via WhatsApp, SMS, Facebook or email is an absolute no-go!
In order not to hurt your girlfriend even more, you should have the courage to break up in a personal conversation. Everyone deserves so much respect and attention.
And yes, this rule to end respectfully WITHOUT WhatsApp also applies if you are in a long-distance relationship and you do not see it for days or even weeks!
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3. And announce the end of the relationship on the phone?
No, even on the phone you shouldn't end the thing between you ... too impersonal.
Exception: You have a long-distance relationship and it is absolutely not possible to meet in person.
4. Put an end to sayings, text and pictures
On the Internet you can find a lot of ready-made sentences, text modules with pictures and rhymes that are supposed to pack a separation into nice words.
I think we (hopefully) agree:
Even more subterranean than a personally written message are any ready-made sayings or texts at the end, which you then send via WhatsApp or SMS.
Especially after a long relationship, the woman deserves an individual explanation from YOU, why you really want the separation instead of being fobbed off with hollow phrases or poems!
5. Separation in public
Forget about the "neutral place" thing! A public meeting in a busy environment (for example a café or park bench) can become very uncomfortable if you suddenly announce the end of the relationship.
Because in addition to the shock and love pain, there is also the feeling of embarrassment.
The last thing the woman wants: to be stared at by everyone as she bursts into tears. Therefore, she will try desperately to suppress her emotions or sink into the ground in shame.
6. Want to break up "too nicely"
Sure, as a man you are afraid of hurting your girlfriend. Therefore, you want to gently tell her what you are feeling and that you will end your partnership. But you can overdo it with kindness and kid gloves when separating.
So don't start fooling around and beating around the bush for hours without coming out with the truth.
Don't tell the woman in flowery words how great she is and how nice it has always been together in your relationship while she sits with you wide-eyed and waits for the "big AAAAABER"!
Believe me: Something like that torments even more when breaking up than when someone briefly and painlessly tells the truth: “Hey, I don't love you anymore. Unfortunately it's over between us ... "
7. Dishonest phrases to spare them
And don't put all the blame for the relationship on your own shoulders, just to spare the woman! No excuses and general phrases why you split up, according to the motto:
- "Honey, it's not you, it's just me ..."
- "We just don't fit together anymore ..."
- "I'm not good for you, you deserve better in life!"
- "At the moment I just don't have the time and the strength for a partnership."
That would be dishonest when breaking up, and no one will believe you in such sentences!
8. "Ghost" the woman (do not report to her again)
So-called ghosting is also not the fine English way in a relationship. Just leave and leave her forever, break off contact, stop reporting to WhatsApp, not responding, “unfriend” her on Facebook ...
And she sits desperately at home wondering: "But why…?" Do you have to say something about that? No? Well!
9. Separation on vacation and in a good mood
Some men actually think:
"Hm, I can break up on vacation or leave her on another occasion as soon as she is in a good mood. For example with a great meal, after sex or a raise in salary. "
The thought of these men behind it: If the woman experiences a nice moment at the same time, the separation is cushioned a little. Then she no longer has a partner, but at least she still has the delicious cocktail under the palm trees and the foot massages ...
But this male logic does not work when ending a partnership, because the opposite will be the case. If you give her a romantic moment with you, she may think that everything is okay between you (again).
In this high spirits, the sudden end of the relationship hits her all the harder - as if you were pushing her from the cozy, warm sun deck into the cold water!
And yes: Breaking up after sex is the worst of all, because then the woman will also feel used by you. Never do that!
10. Parting in quarrel and anger
End relationships cleanly as a decent man. Whenever possible.
That means: No accusations and blame during the separation, no lists of mistakes she has made in the partnership. And of course do not start an argument, and do not respond to any provocations on your part.
And what if one word led to the other, one of you two broke the collar and you or she stormed out with the door slamming?
Then at least send her an SMS or WhatsApp message and ask her to meet you again for a final, clarifying conversation.
11. Want to comfort you for hours
You just broke up, probably dumped her. Now she might want to be hugged by her best friend or her mother, but certainly not by you ...
What I mean by that? In this highly emotional situation, do not overly play the caretaker man, but catch the right time to end your meeting and leave!
In this way, at the end of your relationship, you give her the freedom to recover from the shock, to think and to process the separation.
12. Set phrases like: "We can stay friends"
Sure, it works sometimes, friends stay after the breakup. The moment you break up, such a phrase clearly seems out of place.
Why? Quite simply: Your (ex) girlfriend gets the feeling that you want to console her with a cheap friendship offer for the end of the relationship.
Therefore, give her enough time to process the whole thing and wait to see whether there is a friendly contact in the next few weeks. After all, you have to slowly build something like this together!
13. Give her the pass before an important appointment
You shouldn't wait for weeks in an unhappy relationship because the "right time" apparently never comes to tell her ...
... but you should be a little considerate of their situation as a man on the other side when you end the partnership!
That means: Don't necessarily break up if she has an important exam at university, an interview on her job or other important appointments ahead of her the next day.
Not even if someone in your family has just died. You understand what I mean.
14. Break up with a letter?
Many men consider writing a detailed letter to the woman when they break up, like a kind of "poisoned love letter".
Such a classic, handwritten letter on paper may seem more “romantic” (and therefore somehow “gentler”) than a cold WhatsApp message or e-mail. However, that doesn't change the facts:
You don't have the courage to tell her personally. That doesn't go down well and is just as hurtful in a relationship.
Hence my tip: Only write her a detailed farewell letter if she absolutely cannot be talked to and if there is no clarifying conversation because of the sheer anger and arguments.
In this case, you can explain to her in the letter the reasons why the separation took place - and write everything from your soul that you still want to get rid of in her.
15. Immediately regret breaking up
Once you've left it, there's no going back. So only break up if you are really sure that your relationship has no future and you want to end the whole thing!
The worst: regret breaking up at your meeting and change your mind as soon as you feel their negative reaction.
Such back and forth in the partnership with “games together and apart” drives every woman even more crazy than a clear decision.
Okay, and what's the best way to break up with your girlfriend?
Now you're asking yourself: what's the best way to break up without hurting my partner?
Sure, it doesn't work without pain and tears, but you can teach her how to do it as fairly and gently as possible - with these etiquette tips:
16. When should you break up?
As I said, there is no perfect time to break up because it will always hurt when a relationship breaks up. It's best to do the whole thing as soon as you're sure you want to break up.
But choose a moment in which you both have enough time together to talk to each other in detail and then process the situation.
For this I recommend, for example, after work or the Friday before a weekend.
But don't use that as an excuse to wait for the “perfect moment” and put it on the back burner forever. I can only repeat myself: no unnecessary delay, but get out of it as soon as possible!
17. Announce: There is something to discuss
How do you start when you want to end? Well, your breakup shouldn't rain down on the woman out of the blue.
Tell her (at least) one day in advance on the phone or in person that you need to discuss something important with her about your relationship.
Then she can plan, take enough time for your conversation and is aware of its importance.
In addition: Perhaps she already has an inkling of what it is about when you have a relationship crisis ... So the bad news that you want to leave her does not hit her completely unprepared.
18. Where should you break up?
Of course, you shouldn't give the woman a slip between the door and the hinge, but choose a quiet environment.
Choose an intimate, spatially protected place, i.e. your or her apartment.
It is best to meet at your home. Here you can discuss everything in peace, and your girlfriend can decide for herself when she wants to end the conversation, get up and leave your apartment.
19. Your clarifying conversation went well
Is it even possible to break up “nicely” and “friendly” in a partnership? At least you can gently convey the end of the relationship to her by thinking about your choice of words beforehand and working out a few sentences.
The 6 etiquette rules for a clarifying conversation:
- 1. Express yourself in honest and clear sentences, but never be hurtful, instead be compassionate.
- 2. Avoid sucked, meaningless general phrases like: "You deserve a better man than me!" Or "It just doesn't work together anymore!"
- 3. At the beginning of the conversation, get to the point quickly by saying gently (but firmly) that it is over between you and you will break up.
- 4.The most important: Explain to her the real reasons why you will leave her! This honesty helps her to process the breakup and at some point to conclude with it.
- 5. State which mistakes she made, but not reproachfully, but in the famous I-message, how YOU felt because of her faulty behavior.
- 6. Also admit your own mistakes and failures, because a failed relationship always requires two people.
And another tip on ending relationships:
Put yourself in their position and think carefully about how you, as a man, want to receive a request for separation respectfully (!). These words may now be the right ones.
20. Dealing with their negative reactions
Surely the woman will react negatively to breaking up, let's not kid ourselves. If she starts crying, you can of course comfort her briefly.
But you shouldn't give in to the following reactions in particular:
- Begging and sentences like: "Let's try again with the relationship ... I'll change, I promise!"
- Anger, allegations / insults and allegations
- Blackmail attempts with threats: "If you leave me, then I will ...!"
In situations like this, try to calm the conversation down and answer all of your questions about the big WHY. But don't let everything be yours either! If your girlfriend becomes too disrespectful, the smartest decision is to end the conversation for now.
And one more thing: you notice signs that the woman is psychologically very unstable in this situation? Then ask someone you trust (for example your best friend or your mother) to look after you in good time!
21. And break up in a long distance relationship?
The same applies to long-distance partnerships: Don't just send a Facebook / WhatsApp message, SMS text or letter! Rather, seek a personal conversation to explain exactly the reasons why the separation has to be. If it can be arranged, of course!
You won't see the woman for a long time or you can't drive hundreds of kilometers to see her, only to be put back in front of the door after ten minutes of conversation?
Then I advise you to make a phone call to clarify, that is the minimum of respect in a long-distance relationship!
22. Stand by your decision as a man
The important thing is not to soften now, especially if the woman bursts into tears or begs for a second chance.
Be a real man! That means: stand by your decision to break up and don't let yourself change your mind spontaneously!
It also makes sense to block contacts so that each of you has time to process the painful breakup.
A new edition of your relationship is only possible after careful consideration, when both of you have changed or a new basis has been created for it in some other way.
Only then can you start the "Regain Ex-Girlfriend" project!
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