Why does my friend control

Control madness: learn to let go

Do you belong to the group of people who constantly have to have everything under control, who telephones after the partner and suspects at least three mistakes in every task by colleagues? Then you are already showing some signs of Control mania. It is normal and completely understandable that you want to know what is happening around you, but it takes on almost pathological traits if you do something about it. But even those who are aware of the problem often find it difficult to overcome his obsession with control. Nevertheless it is possible ...

➠ Content: This is what awaits you

➠ Content: This is what awaits you

How does the control mania show?

Control madness is that almost morbid desireto want to be informed about everything and everyone at all times and everywhere.

In different situations, the control mania is expressed in different forms. In relationships, for example, it often expresses itself by constantly wanting to know what the other is doing, with whom they are meeting or talking. There is also a great distrust and constant fearthat your partner is hiding something from you.

Belong in relationships Control madness and jealousy often directly together. The jealousy leads to the fact that every step of the partner is controlled and when control is not taken, it is immediately assumed that the other is hiding something or is having an affair. This goes so far that smartphones are checked and control calls are made to make sure where the partner is currently. This combination breaks relationships within a very short time.

The control mania is also widespread in professional life and is usually shown by the fact that controlled all tasks of colleagues be, the boss (or a control-addicted colleague) always wants to be informed about all processes and the person concerned tends to outbursts of anger if something goes wrong because it was not taken care of. Especially when the boss is obsessed with control, it can become a major problem for employees, making work difficult and destroying the working atmosphere.

Control madness: why does the boss become a control freak?

Some people are naturally very keen on control. They find it difficult to hand over decisions and hand over responsibility. This is especially true for people with great self-confidence who believe in many points that the best possible solution to a problem is just yourself to be able to work out.

If such a character finds himself in a management position, it is often difficult for him to be Behavior change and to give the employees enough freedom. Even in a higher position he cannot get out of his skin. The executive chair can also influence the character and turn the boss into a control freak. Three common causes for this are:

  • He's under a lot of pressure himself. As the boss, he is responsible for a large project, important tasks and the success of an entire department. Management expects good results and positive developments. Pressure from above can lead managers to pass this on to their employees, for example in the form of frequent checks to ensure the quality of the work.
  • He's had a bad experience.Once bitten, twice shy. Your boss may have already given up a lot of responsibility and had bad experiences with it. If so, he will find it difficult to regain confidence. To prevent a similar bankruptcy from happening again, he prefers to take it into his own hands.
  • He is insecure himself. Managers also sometimes have doubts as to whether important tasks and projects are on the right track. Control of employees can also serve to remove one's own doubts. Regular feedback on the results dispels worries that something is not going according to plan, even if it can be very stressful for employees.

The reasons behind the boss's behavior can be quite understandable, but that doesn't change the fact that control freaks in management positions affect the lives of their employees difficult to unbearable do.

Anyone who has already worked with a boss suffering from control madness Had to come clear, knows how difficult it can be to constantly report to the boss and to have the feeling of being monitored and controlled at every step. The most exhausting points are ...

  • lack of trust. Employees often complain about the feeling that their boss does not trust them enough to do their jobs. You feel underrated and would like to take on more responsibility.
  • lack of confirmation. With constant monitoring, the boss always finds a fly or two in the ointment. The employees responsible have the feeling that they never seem to get anything right.
  • lack of motivation. Since your own tasks end up with the boss anyway, you soon lack the motivation to do your best. True to the motto The boss will improve it is only done according to regulations.

How to deal with a controlling boss

Dealing with a control freak as a boss is admitted not easy and the feeling of being under surveillance can be nerve-wracking. The good news, however, is that you can learn how to use it and how to behave correctly. Not only will you experience less stress and a better working atmosphere yourself, but you will also help your boss to keep track of things and not lose the feeling of control. With these Tips works well with a control addicted boss.

  1. Be understanding

    The first step in dealing with a control freak is a better one Understanding of his situation. Put yourself in your boss's shoes and ask yourself why he cares about control. Is he under pressure from his superiors himself? It is asked a lot as you are suffering, but it helps. The better you can understand his behavior, the less you feel offended by it when you realize that the control has nothing to do with your work.

  2. Express your opinion confidently

    Control freaks like to interfere in the tasks of your employees. With sentences like "Wouldn't you rather ..." or "It would be better if you ..." you interrupt your employees in the middle of a task. Since it is still your boss, you should of course accept and implement constructive criticism. In order to show your skills, it is also good to to hold on to one's own views and to represent them confidently.

  3. Generate detailed reports

    If you are confronted with a true extreme case of control madness, he will ask you regularly for information on current projects and developments anyway. Always making these available spontaneously on demand can lead to stress and ruin concentration. Instead, arrange one rhythm with your boss, for example two days a week, on which you summarize the most important information in an e-mail or a short meeting and bring him up to date

  4. Talk to your boss about it

    If all other attempts do not bring any improvement, all that remains is an open conversation. Make an appointment for this and prepare it. Bring examplesthat you felt controlled and explain to your boss - preferably without blaming him - how you feel about it. If you feel you can do more, now is the time to ask your boss for more responsibility.

Control madness: this is how you can overcome it

If you want to learn to overcome your control mania, you should be aware that it is not an easy task is. The behavior has often been established over the years and is deeply rooted in one's own personality. With a simple Then I just stop controlling others, it is therefore unfortunately not done.

Even so, you should do something to improve your Overcome control madness, as this not only leads to great stress, but can also ruin relationships with others. The insight and the will to change something is therefore the first step in the right direction. We have collected a few tips that can help you get your control mania under control and get rid of more and more.

  1. Learn to Trust Others

    A lack of trust is one of the main reasons for control madness. There is a firm belief that things will go wrong if you don't take them into your own hands. At the same time, you take away any chance of the other to prove otherwise. It is particularly difficult at the beginning, but trust your fellow human beings more and you will see that they will not be disappointed. Everything will go well even without your constant control!

  2. Boost your self-esteem

    A low self-esteem is also reflected in a low belief in one's own abilities and qualities. In addition, it is believed that you can have very little influence on the environment and how you perceive yourself. The control mania can be a response to getting things back in hand. The better way, however, is to increase your self-esteem. Those who are convinced of themselves and believe in themselves do not need any control to feel safe.

  3. Seek help from others

    Alone it is all the more difficult to overcome one's control mania. You have better chances if you can confide in a good friend or colleague. They can support you when old habits come up again. It's just as important that you have someone to talk to. Sometimes just one conversation is enough to see things in a new light and you can slow yourself down in your control mania.

  4. Give up responsibility

    In your job in particular, the best way to overcome your obsession with control is to consciously give up responsibility and delegate tasks - without checking the result afterwards! When you delegate tasks, you have less to do, you can take care of more important things and you can get rid of your control mania bit by bit and task by task.

The positive side of control

Control mania in an exaggerated form is certainly not a desirable trait, especially when it spreads among executives or within a relationship. Still, this is a rather one-sided and consistently negative image of control - the one in this one One-dimensionality also not true. Those who are willing to remain a little open and also see the other side of the coin will definitely find it positive sides of control:

  1. Self control

    On the one hand there is this Self control. Passionate colleagues who devote their hearts and minds to their tasks, as well as managers who move their company forward with emotional zeal, can be enormously inspiring and motivating - and, last but not least, arouse their own passion. But someone who indulges in emotional outbursts in a completely uncontrolled manner - from euphoria to anger - always has a destructive effect.

    And a manager cannot afford to let his mood run wild. In the end he acts as a role model and thus decisively shapes the corporate culture. In this respect, a self-controlled boss is a good thing.

  2. Reality control

    But then there are also those Reality control. Sure, no one likes blatant brakes and skeptics. They wrangle around everywhere, just keep their attitude toward things different, cause a bad mood and eat away at nerves that are already tense. Or like Friedrich Schiller in his William Tell argues: "If you think too much, you will achieve little." It is forgotten that the emphasis is on too much.

    With many new projects there are usually many nonsensical ones. Thinking leaders are therefore extremely important when it comes to change. In the now-everything-gets-better euphoria, they don't let the virus infect them, keep a clear head, question the questionable and thus perhaps save the company from serious, costly mistakes. Anyone who rushes to dispose of skeptics is therefore already making their first mistake.

    A connection that René Descartes clarified as early as the middle of the 17th century. Its actual guiding principle wasn’t So I think I ambut rather: Doubt is the beginning of all wisdom. It is possible that reality controllers are in truth only thought leaders and thus important forces in the upheaval phase. They certainly need more attention and guidance than others, are more strenuous and occasionally slow down. But they help to improve the overall result.

  3. Learning control

    Third, there is that Learning control. That was still called in school test or Class work - and we all hated that. Normal. Mainly because of the sometimes adventurous control standards (for example with the German essay) or sometimes unjust grades. There are no grades in our job, but we all learn something new every day: through trial and error, through observation, through mistakes.

    And especially with our mistakes, it is important that we make sure that we have at least analyzed them thoroughly afterwards in order to really learn from them - and of course them not to commit again. The same also applies to our successes. From motivation research, for example, it is known that we are particularly motivated by the certainty that we can reproduce success.

  4. Time control

    The Time control. Also known as Time management. The key to greater productivity is no longer doing things, but doing the right things right and at the right time. In technical jargon this is called Efficiency. Time management is ultimately nothing more than self-management and means controlling, weighting and sorting upcoming tasks according to relevance.

    This gives you an overview of the workload as well as the work itself, or what has already been done. You can also see very quickly what you have to, or can, and can accomplish in a day in this way avoid overloading or underloading. Time control is therefore also planning and success control.

  5. Quality control

    The Quality control again, is both a personal (due diligence) and a management task. The second point is often misunderstood and then leads to the control freak described above. Assessing the success or the quality of the results of your employees does not mean turning it into a kind of personality test that oscillates between fortune and fiasco. Or even worse: sticking to your own lapel when you achieve brilliant achievements and not being stingy with reprisals and reprisals when you fail.

    That is the Declaration of bankruptcy by every manager. Rather, it is about using the results to either motivate employees to continue like this or to encourage them to do it differently (read: better). Ultimately, it should allow them to develop further and grow from it. A positive quality control always leaves enough scope for creativity and is characterized by respect and the credible desire to help others become more successful.

What other readers have read

[Photo credit: rogistok by Shutterstock.com]
★★★★★ Rating: 4.96 / 5 - 7218 ratings.
20th October 2020Author: Nils Warkentin

Nils Warkentin studied business administration at the Justus Liebig University in Giessen. On the career bible, he is devoted to topics related to studies, career entry and everyday office life.

Continue to the home page